Heard in the Hospital
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Because what we hear in the hospital is too damn funny not to share.

A place to share your hilarious hospital stories

Thank You For The Extra Paperwork

7/31/2014

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RN walks into the room to find an independent patient lying on the floor

RN:  How did this happen?!?
Patient:  I'm chillin' on the floor because my face was hot and the floor was cold.
RN:  Next time use the other side of the pillow.

#firstfall  #thanksfortheextrapaperwork

~ Chris B:  New York, NY
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Why Would You Bother With Pants?

7/31/2014

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My 55 y/o hooker patient was being discharged in a cab.  She put on her clothes - a leopard print short nightie with her labia hanging out.  I said "umm, I can get you some pants so you don't have to sit on the cab seat like that." She replied "girl, I suck dicks for a living, you think I care?"

~ Sarah K:  Grand Rapids, MI
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When The Sun Goes Down

7/31/2014

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RN walks into patient's hospital room

RN:  I have your nighttime meds for you.
Patient:  Honey, turn around and get the hell out of my living room.  I'm calling the cops!!

#sundowners

~ Azurley S:  Dublin, Ireland
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Just Another Manic Monday

7/31/2014

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Psych Patient:  I have a machete and when you turn around I am going to stab you in the neck and hide your body

#justanothermanicmonday


~ Topher C:  Chicago, IL
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A Little Edema

7/31/2014

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Patient:  My titties are so big and swollen, I could knock Dr. L over because she is so tiny.

~ Lily M:  Grand Rapids, MI
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Everyone Is A Doctor

7/31/2014

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Patient:  Why do I have blood in my stool?
RN:  There could have been many reasons....(interrupted by patient)
Patient:  Maybe the fig newton caused it.

#everyonesadoctor

~ Alice J:  Kalamazoo, MI 
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Do You Have Any Allergies?

7/31/2014

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Elderly Patient:  I'm allergic to antibiotics, they make my vagina itch.

#goodtoknow

~ Sarah K:  Grand Rapids, MI
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